I went to a restaurant to eat.

 

I went to a restaurant to eat. After I finished my meal, my bill came up to ₦18,200. I made the first payment, but before the transaction could conclude, their POS machine suddenly went off. They quickly brought another POS, and that one went through successfully.

Or so I thought.

Later that evening, I received two debit alerts. Both payments had actually gone through. So instead of paying ₦18,200, I had paid ₦36,400.

The next day, I went back to complain. They told me the accountant wasn’t on seat but that they would check and get back to me. I said, “No wahala,” and left.

One week passed. No call. No refund.

I went back again. This time, they checked properly and confirmed that yes, both payments went through. But again, the accountant was “not on seat.” I told them that this accountant’s seat must be extremely hot because the person is never there. They asked me to drop my account details for a refund. I did and left.

Fast forward to yesterday. Still no refund.

I went back to the restaurant and asked why my money hadn’t been sent. They told me I had “just missed” the accountant and that the refund would be processed shortly.

Alright.

Since I was already there, I ordered food to eat and also got takeout. After I finished, they asked how I wanted to pay—POS or transfer?

I looked at them and said, “Who will I pay when the accountant is not on seat? Who will collect the money?”

The lady replied, “The accountant doesn’t need to be here for that. We can all use the POS.”

“Okay,” I said calmly. “How much is my total?”

“₦18,500.”

I smiled.

“You people are owing me ₦18,200. If you deduct it from this ₦18,500, that means I’m owing you ₦300.”

She shook her head. “We can’t deduct it like that. You have to pay in full, and the accountant will refund you later.”

I sighed. “So that means you people will arrest me, abi?”

I dramatically placed both my hands on the table and said, “Please, handcuff me.”

She tried to explain, “We account for everything we sell. If we don’t reconcile today’s payment, they’ll fine us.”

I leaned forward. “Are you people owing me ₦18,200?”

“Yes.”

“And I’ve just eaten ₦18,500?”

“Yes.”

“So I’m owing ₦300. Simple maths. Case closed.”

I carried my bag and stood up.

Suddenly, one guy emerged from one corner like a movie character.

“But even if we’re to deduct it,” he said, “you’ll still have to balance ₦300.”

I turned slowly. “And you are…?”

“I’m the accountant.”

I screamed, “Ewooooo!”

So the accountant has been on seat all along?